This post is in collaboration with 3 fellow bloggers:
-Fill Your Own Cup First: You Can’t Flourish On Fumes https://ummruqaiya.wordpress.com/2020/10/21/guilt-free-mama-filling-my-own-glass-first/
We’re going to be picking apart some of the pieces of Mom guilt this week! If you’re a mom, you’ve likely experienced it more than you care to admit. We all have! But it really is time for us to STOP! We have to reclaim our parenting and replace the guilt with purposeful joy! When we see another mama struggling, we always (..right?) give her the benefit of the doubt. We know she’s doing her best. We acknowledge that she has her hands full and maybe we even give her a hand! Our children recognize our effort, our spouses recognize our effort...it’s time that we start doing the same for ourselves! Don’t you agree?
-Stop Comparing Your child to Mine: Talking About Academic Struggles
A mother's heart rejoices with every little achievement of her child,every mile stone and success will fill her heart with pride, no matter what age her child is. For a mother her every effort and hope is that one day her child becomes an able and successful human being.
We live in very competitive times, the world has become materialistic. In the midst of such environment somehow our expectations on our children rises too. We tend to forget every child is different, unique in their own ways! In such scenario when our child begins to underperform, unable to reach their milestones it is only natural to compare.
This guilt starts to creep in what am I doing wrong? Why is my child falling behind? While it is beneficial to work on the weekness of our child to bring them back to par, we should also remember that motherhood is not a competition! We cannot pressurise our child beyond their capacity.
Why are the achievements and capabilities of children compared? Especially when we are fully aware that each child has their own capacity and strengths! My journey of motherhood has been about learning and improvising, emotions and evolving. I have leant acceptance through my guilt. There is no perfection but only efforts and fulfilment!
We can support our child, give our maximum effort but if the child is still unable to cope, we have to accept without letting our mom guilt kill us from inside! It's when we accept the strengths and capacity of our children that motherhood can be experienced in its truest essence. Our children are butterflies in the making, trapped into the cacoon of education, only to evolve them and transform them into more capable, successful adults.
Always remember not all children are the same, some struggle more than the rest.. That does not mean they have less potential, or they will not become beautiful butterflies some day.. It just means that they will have to keep hope and struggle a bit more to reach their true potential! May Almighty keep all our children on the right path and may we have the capacity and capability to guide them to be all that they deserve to be and achieve all that they deserve to achieve!! Ameen 🙏❤️🌟
Sharing with all the beautiful mamas reading this, something I wrote for my daughter as she struggles with her acedemics! This is dedicated to all our butterflies in the making: OUR PRECIOUS CHILDREN!
BUTTERFLY EMERGES TRIUMPHANT
The cattterpillar crawls away..
Unaware..
Of its potential glamour,
Of the struggles that lay ahead.
Slithering around,
Enjoying its independence!
When suddenly..
To its dismay...
Its finds itself trapped!!
In a brawl and tussle
To let itself out..
Fearing it's end of existence!
Refusing to give up though,
Utilising all its efforts..
Thrusting with maximum impact,
Holding onto certain hope
The chrysalis shall keep straining
Yet unaware of the magic ahead!
When suddenly transformation happens..
It feels itself evolving..
The trap around it opening up..
Out it emerges!!
Basking in its absolute glory
Celebrating a novel experience!
The butterfly has emerged triumphant..
The wings its new power..
The gift for its resilience!!
Its beauty, its glory,
Nothing can contain it now
From its flight of victory!!
Definitely have to make sure we don't compare....each child is individual and unique and unfair to compare.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, thank you for reading❤️
DeleteIt was fun doing the collaboration with you! I love your poetry alhamdulillah! It makes me want to write again! <3
ReplyDeleteHey dear, yes the collab was an amazing experience, thank you so much for including me 💜All the best for your writing journey ahead 🙏💐
DeleteLoved reading this post! The poem was beautiful, I even checked out the other post on the tips to help you stop yelling at your toddler. As someone who is studying child psychology and is very passionate about my studies and future work, I know it's a known thing but comparing your child to another child is extremely harmful to their development. I struggled with this as I grew up and I had to do a lot of healing to move forward because I always found myself by default comparing myself because it was done to me. I know parents want the best for their children, and think comparing them to another child may "encourage" them, but in all honesty it may have huge negative effects on them for years to come and may even cause them to not live to their full potential because the comparisons may discourage them. May Allah guide us all to be the best we can be towards children, may He also heal those who are struggling with these conflicting issues. (www.spicyfusionkitchen.com)
ReplyDeleteYes Zainab, it can be harmful for the whole life.. Thank you for sharing your experience and reading our collabs.. Do take care 💜
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